Mud In Your Eye
by codedriver
Summary: Set after Tribunal, what if Harriet and Singer came to blows


Mud in Your Eye  
  
By TC Amlin  
  
With additions and beta credit to Lisa  
  
Disclaimers: same as always  
  
Spoilers: Everything up to Tribunal  
  
Classification: just humor, Harriet vs. Lauren  
  
JAG HQ  
  
May 2nd  
  
0930 EST  
  
AJ leaned back and rubbed his temples as a he pondered what to do with Harriet and Lauren. "I wonder where Tiner keeps the aspirin?"  
  
"I believe that he keeps it in his desk sir, at least a special bottle for you." Petty Officer Taylor said as she came to attention.  
  
"How's Tiner?"  
  
"Lieutenant. Simms called to say his eye will be fine and that the dentist will be able to fix the teeth that were knocked out."  
  
"Well that is some good news, anything else?"  
  
"Yes sir, Lieutenant Singer's hand took a few stitches and Lieutenant Simms hand is just bruised."  
  
"Are they on their way back yet?"  
  
"Yes sir, Lieutenant Simms is dropping off Tiner and they should be back with in the hour."  
  
AJ nodded and dismissed his substitute yeoman.  
  
Commander Turner passed the young Petty Officer as he entered AJ's office, "Admiral."  
  
"Please tell me you have some good news, Commander?"  
  
"Colonel Mackenzie and Commander Rabb will be back tomorrow afternoon and the fall out of what happened on the Seahawk is classified for now."  
  
"Anything else?" AJ said rubbing the bridge of his nose.  
  
"A suggestion sir for handling the Lieutenants."  
  
AJ nodded, "What do you have in mind?"  
  
"There is a church fund raiser that my father is hosting. One of the events is jousting over a mud pit. I believe that the tension between these two ladies needs to be expressed. What a better way than through charity." Sturgis ended as he kept a smile to himself. After enough time he was beginning to understand the way things were handled around JAG and knew that this was a great suggestion to help keep Harriet's record clean.  
  
AJ looked at Turner with shock for a moment and then a wide grin. The man was learning and he too knew this was a way to help the records of both women. "Good idea Commander. As soon as both Lieutenant's show up please point them my way."  
  
"Aye aye, sir," Sturgis replied, snapping to attention.  
  
  
  
An hour later  
  
Harriet was still stewing over the fact that she let Lauren Singer get to her. It was impulsive and unprofessional, but enough was enough. She also felt really awful that Jason got in the way when her fist took flight heading towards Singers face. Jason was just trying to calm the two of them down but ended up getting belted from both sides for his trouble. Oh well.  
  
Lauren for her part just marched back into the bullpen embarrassed that she had been goaded by Miss Suzy Homemaker and would now be up on charges.  
  
"Lieutenants, the admiral would like to see both of you ASAP." Petty Officer Taylor told them.  
  
"Thank you, Taylor." Harriet said as Lauren just shook her head and followed Harriet.  
  
Both entered and came to attention in front of AJ. Both knew that it was serious when AJ kept them at attention.  
  
"I decided that I don't want explanations, the behavior both of you showed was both unprofessional and unbecoming officers of the US Navy. There are two options for punishment. Option one will be a letter of reprimand in both of your folders and way to work out this aggression. Should you fail to take option one then formal charges will be brought. Am I understood?"  
  
Both answered, "yes sir."  
  
"The option one punishment is for both of you to participate in a church fund raiser. You will joust each other over a mud pit for charity."  
  
Singer stewed wondering how much more embarrassing this was going to get, battling over mud.  
  
Harriet tried to keep the smirk off her face; though fighting wasn't her way a chance to be Lieutenant Singer for charity in front of the staff was worth the letter. "When is the event sir?"  
  
"Commander Turner has all of the details. I take it you are okay with this Lieutenant Simms?"  
  
"Yes sir, I have no problem with the terms."  
  
"Lieutenant Singer?"  
  
"Option one is fine sir." She answered, but barely concealed her disgust  
  
"Then option one it is. And ladies should this ever happen in my office again I will transfer you both out of here so fast you will wonder just what part of the world you are in. Do I make myself clear?"  
  
"Yes sir."  
  
"Then dismissed."  
  
Two weeks later  
  
Local Church grounds  
  
AJ looked over at the catwalk over the large pool of mud and held in a laugh. The office had collected over five hundred dollars in Harriet and Laurens names and he was sure that the office pool over who would win was well over that. He glanced over his shoulder to see Harm and Mac approach, "Good to see you two could make it?"  
  
Mac smiled, "Well, I just want to see how my coaching pays off."  
  
"I would have paid money to watch you train Harriet with pungi sticks." Harm said with a snicker.  
  
"Little AJ thought it was cute. You should have come over, I would have taken you on."  
  
Harm rolled his eyes and looked over to where Harriet was putting on her safety gear. Harriet was putting on a green vest and helmet as glared across the pit to where Lauren was putting on a similar blue vest and helmet.  
  
"Is someone taping this for Bud?"  
  
Mac shrugged, "As far as I know no one has told Bud about this."  
  
Harm glared at Mac for a minute as AJ looked around at the other JAG staff that were taking their places to watch.  
  
"Well I hope that mud isn't the only thing slung in a few months." Mac said as she thought of the secrets Harriet and Bud were keeping.  
  
Mac's retort was cut off by Chaplin Turner, "Hello everyone and thanks for coming today. The charities that we are collecting for also thank you. The fair and eating booths will be open till 6 and I ask that you at least give each one a try. I am here to announce our next event. Several fine people have volunteered to joust over this mud pit in good fun and spirit. The winner is the one still standing and the loser gets to clean up by taking a spell in the dunking booth. So lets all cheer on our first two contestants. Harriet Simms and Lauren Singer."  
  
Taking a deep breath, Lauren walked up the stairs and twirled her stick as she waited for Harriet to start across that catwalk. 'I will not lose, I will not lose' was all she chanted.  
  
Harriet too took a deep breath and eased her way towards Lauren. She kept going over in her mind the tricks Mac taught her and tried to keep from thinking ahead when she could hurl softballs at the witch when she took her place at the dunking booth.  
  
The two women finally met in the middle of the catwalk and didn't take long to start jabbing at each other. Harriet was cautious at first but landed a major whop when Lauren tried to lean in to give a major punch. Lauren growled quietly at being caught off guard.  
  
"If you think that I am going to lose to you, Miss Mommy, then you are greatly mistaken."  
  
"Give it up witch, I am taking you down." Harriet spat back with a good blow to Lauren.  
  
Lauren barely caught herself from going over as she landed a great block and blow to Harriet causing her to back up. Both retreated for a moment to regroup.  
  
Those standing around the pit knew they were getting their moneys worth and started to cheer on the two combatants. A few even cheered on Singer and it was because they didn't know her.  
  
Five minutes pasted and the blows were coming more often, Mac knew that a few were going to leave some nice bruises but she was grinning ear to ear as Harriet hung on and started getting in more shots than Lauren.  
  
"Way to go, Harriet! Don't forget what I taught you," Mac cheered from the sidelines. Harm elbowed her for showing her obvious preference and AJ glared. "Yeah, like you two don't care who wins this."  
  
Lauren was getting more and more pissed as she realized Mac had coached her opponent. Harriet continued her assault, but Lauren was lost in thoughts of getting the smug Colonel up here. Taking advantage of Lauren's distraction, Harriet came at her again. Harriet was panting hard as she saw the one opening she needed to knock Lauren off and with one giant swoop of the stick Lauren was falling backwards into the mud.  
  
Lauren landed with a sick splat in the two-foot deep mud pit and sank till she was nearly under.  
  
The crowd applauded Harriet as she held her stick high in victory.  
  
In her victory dance, Harriet missed Lauren's hands coming out from under the catwalk to grab her ankles and pulling her over too.  
  
Lauren smiled smugly as she turned to get out of the pit as people booed her for pulling Harriet over and then they were all laughing as Harriet jumped Lauren and pushed her face down into the muck.  
  
The crowd knew that a new battle was on and Sturgis just held his father back before he could stop the new mud battle.  
  
The new one didn't take long as Harriet made sure her victory was complete by dragging Singer by her neck as her face slid along the mud to the edge and then dropping her on her muddy six.  
  
Acting like she was wiping her hands Harriet climbed out and took the offered towels from Mac and Harm.  
  
Sturgis made his way over to Lauren, "Lieutenant, my father here will lead you over to the dunking booth so you can get cleaned up some before the next two contestants try out the mud."  
  
"Thank you, sir," Lauren whispered. She straightened her spine and wiped a strand of muddy hair out of her eyes trying to salvage what was left of her dignity.  
  
The group watched as The Chaplin led the witch away.  
  
"I think that I will go and buy some tickets, how about you, Mac?" Harm offered.  
  
"I am right behind you."  
  
"Well, rank has its privileges so I go first. And then I think Tiner here deserves to go next," AJ interrupted.  
  
The whole group stared as AJ walked away leaving them opened mouthed and Tiner grinning from ear to ear with his black eye shining.  
  
  
  
The end 


End file.
